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It's fair to say the earth revolves around the sun.
It's safe to say it brightens our days.
It's fair to say that we aren't as one.
It's safe to say it can't go any other way.

Don't look at me with those melancholy eyes,
Whenever you stare at me, I feel down.
Don't look through my head with those heavy eyes,
Whenever you're far away, I feel down.

It might not be the time to call again.
It couldn't be enough to bring you here.
It might not be the time to freeze hell over.
But I might be willing if you want to pretend.

Don't look at me with those melancholy eyes,
Whenever you stare at me, I feel down.
Don't look through my head with those heavy eyes,
Whenever you're far away, I feel down.

I curl up at night,
When the cold winter comes,
And I don't have enough blankets to keep me warm.
Well, I open up my mind,
And I pull out all my thoughts of you.
And I'll be warm until the summer,
Yea, I'll be warm until the summer ends...

Don't look at me with those melancholy eyes,
Whenever you stare at me, I feel down.
Don't look through my head with those heavy eyes,
Whenever you're far away, I feel down.
Oh, whenever you're far away,
(Warm until the summer)
Whenever you're far away,
(Pull out all my thoughts of you)
Whenever you're far away,
I feel down.
©2006-2010 ~H-P-Lovecraft
:iconh-p-lovecraft:

Author's Comments

A quick song I wrote while feeling aloof. Enjoy, and please comment.

Comments


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:icongenkokitsu:
interesting...

--
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
-Papa Roach, Scars
:iconupsidedown-insideout:
one thing I regret is not being able to hear the music, songs are classified as poetry but they differ in the sense of rhythm and emphatic effects and flow and just little things ya know? Just wanted to put that out there for when I'm commenting on your work, and that what I say is probably a lot of the time just gonna be my opinion, and feel free to correct me and say yeah well, the music...blablabla, so em my apologies in advance!

I noticed how the third stanza differed in the rhyming scheme and I thought that threw it of a bit, but overall I liked the pattern in the first half.

Lyrically, the song was all right, I liked how you opened it, and I thought some things you said were neat, but as for word choice it was a bit unoriginal with: melancholy eyes, I feel down, 'hell freezes over'….not to say you can't use those phrases (why do they exist then?lol) but I think that you over-did it. I however liked the concept and simple things like: Whenever you stare at me, I feel down.

eh that's my two cents worth on it anyhow:)

--
If it's just a game, then what are we crying for?
:iconh-p-lovecraft:
You know what I like about you? You've always got good constructive criticism to give me. Never gonna let me slide, are ya?

Yea, I'm prone to wander in the middle of a song, and not continuing a rhyme scheme I started could throw people off. As for my unoriginal vocabulary, I think this song was meant to be simple, and it doesn't need a whole lot of imagery or thought.

And I agree with you on the music thing. I imagine it's weird to try and read a song when you have no idea how it's supposed to sound.

--
~~My Poems> [link] <My Poems~~
God is a stand-up comedian to an audience which is too afraid to laugh.
:iconupsidedown-insideout:
oh, ok, thanks :blushes:
I think this song was meant to be simple, and it doesn't need a whole lot of imagery or thought.
I never thought of that, fair enough that makes plenty of sense!
yeah, ah well I'll imagine=p

--
If it's just a game, then what are we crying for?

Details

November 15, 2006
1.5 KB
33.9 KB
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